Do you ever feel like a single-mom on most days, where if you snooze, your household would surely fall apart? Now, the interesting part is that you’re not a single-mom and your dear husband works full-time. Truth be told, he brings home the paycheck to cover the rent, put food on the table while the family still gets an occasional movie night treat. Still, it feels like, he only gets to do the fun stuff while you do the laundry, wipe dirty butts and think about non-stop meals to prep even in your sleep (you get nightmares chasing chicken nuggets). You feel lonely although not alone. It feels like your husband is just another person to cater to in your household, like one one the kids, instead of the strong reliable partner you desperately need.
Now, if you cater to your husband and feels fulfilled doing so because he gives you what you need and more; I am happy to hear that. Know that this article might not be speaking to you but if you have girlfriends who may need the advice-read on…
7 WAYS TO CHILD-PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE
This simply means helping your spouse reverse back to his role as your equal partner. You encourage and motivate but he makes the change. Here are some strategies to try:
- Focus on What He Got Right on Your Grocery List. So, he forgot the pancake syrup? Well, he got the eggs, bread and milk and everything else. Focus on that or risk making him feel like a scolded child. You’ll find that he’ll start forgetting more things unconsciously and expect your ungrateful reaction. Do the opposite and you’ll see he will start looking for ways to please you.
- Quantify your Thank You. The phrase thank you is a good start but quantifying what you are thankful about makes it more endearing and intentional. How about “I’m glad you’re around, honey,” or “you make life so much easier for me, “ hits the right spot. Your thank you communicates appreciation.
- Fix the Lopsided Picture Frame in His Absence. If your spouse put in a lot of effort nailing frames around your house per your ardent request and you notice one or two of them are lopsided, fix them in his absence. For sure, bigger projects that need his expertise to fix should be left to his professional hand. But, let go of the small stuff or you risk making him feel like a child who cannot get anything right. Make it enjoyable for him to do projects for you and you’ll be amazed how he won’t mind doing more. Complimenting his finish product without the negative feedback equals the true meaning of praise.
- Incorporate Date-Days. Date nights are ideal, but it takes a village to make it work. These days, many of us don’t even get to mingle with our neighbors except for the few seconds wave you muster while holding your best 3 second smile all the while attempting to close your garage door-quickly! Spending intentional time with your spouse without the kiddos allow you to see your spouse as a man, a partner and for him to see you as a woman and the wife you continue to be. Try once a month. Jot it down on your calendar or it doesn’t happen. I continue to strive for a 2x/month date-days; I tell you it is a commitment. It seems easier to skip and move on to the next task because it feels more like a luxury than a necessity. Shifting your mind-set is the first step. Believe that a happier partner relationship promotes happy children and ultimately, a happier household.
- Allow Space to Receive Support. When you act like you can do everything and the only one that can do it the right way. Rest assured that you will get your way- you are left doing everything. Trust that your spouse has the capability to do kinda like what you do if you only give him enough instructions, patience and leeway for practice. When you start doing everything because it’s quicker and easier your way, you find yourself lonely ala single-mom and he feels incompetent being a help around you. So, he simply plays with the kids because at least there, he is treated and feels like an adult.
- Prioritize your Self- Care. I know you prioritize your kids and other loved one who relies on your exceptional goodwill. You always feel amused and quite frankly jealous of moms who have a number of kids but continue to score curling-ironed curls on their crown. First of all, self-care means different things to different people. Do YOU. If it’s yoga, meditation, singing in the shower without interruption, do just that. It’s not about fancy up do’s and make ups although it might be for some. How does this relate to child-proofing your marriage? There is nothing more attractive than a woman who prides herself and gives herself off because her cup is full rather than simply fulfilling an obligation or avoiding a conflict (if you do this sometimes, don’t fret, we all do. The goal is to not make that our ultimate purpose in life). In many ways, how you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you.
- Stick with the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Lingo. You noticed that you are kinder in your words with people you barely know and lash out in milligiga (made that up) seconds with the closest people in your life including your partner? Being familiar with each other has its gifts, such as your husband knowing that you don’t need room for cream in your coffee. But, too much familiarity may breed carelessness in our words and in our actions. Treating each other as boyfriends and girlfriends release us from the security that marriage provides, at least just mentally. Don’t get me wrong, the beauty of marriage is unparalleled but relying on a promise to keep you staying together does not guarantee a joyful one. Before getting married to my beautiful husband, I had always kept private things (brushing my hair, closing the bathroom door…etc) private. I find that that’s more of a chore now with kids running around the house. But, for the most part, there is still some thought put into it. If you intend to keep some spark in your relationship, keep a bit of that mystery. That mystery is that part of you that does not belong to anyone else but you.
I hope that you found some great insight in this post. Any relationship takes work but when you practice small changes, you garner big results. Stay well and if you haven’t subscribe yet, please subscribe on the page below. Share if you find that this might be helpful to others.
Sa uulitin (until then),