There is no direct translation for Tampo in English, the closest would be to sulk, but it’s meaning and use in the Filipino context goes beyond sulking.

Tampo is neither being angry or being completely upset with someone. It’s getting your feelings hurt whether by accident or design due to someone’s actions, inaction or comments. When you have emotional connection with someone, your feelings towards them are warm, and when a hurtful act crosses this connection, these warm feelings turn lukewarm.

Tampo is a passive means to return back to this warm connection; to be close to the other like it has once been. But TAMPO is an art, and more often than not, the TAMPO person does not assert themselves openly to get their emotional needs met.


Instead, they leave crumbs of bread to be found, a signage with the finest print to read, and a map crunched up in a ball that finding its north and south seem like an impossible feat. 

With this, Tampo seemed inconsiderate, and passive aggressive at times. But Tampo doesn’t seek to be hurtful to the other. Instead, it avoids confrontation like a plaque and although it’s means can be irritating to many, it’s unspoken hope is to simply bring back harmony into the relationship. 

Tampo has the undeniable need is to be acknowledged, to be seen, and validated. An apology can ease a tampo but more than a sorry, it seeks to be wooed without asking the other.

The Case of the HURT WIFE


You’ve been working back to back shifts to make sure you get all your bills paid, you’ve gotten so tied up at work that you forgot wifey’s anniversary...ahem...your anniversary. 

You actually didn’t totally forget because when you were running through your cellphone, a feeling of nudge came upon you, that date on your google calendar looked familiar. Anyway, the day is young & you’ve got to keep going before the boss assumes you’ve been scrolling on your fb page far too long.




The moment you grab your car keys to skip-hoppity hop home, your stomach just turned. Yup, that date was familiar because its your anniversary! Susmaryosep!
You hurried home, but not really because you had to grab a bouquet of flowers & maybe a box of chocolates to look husband pristine.

You were an hour late coming home, you brought your smile home as you dashed into the kitchen door, “Happy Anniversary, mahal ko (my love)!”
Silence…..

You tried to lambing (PLL #1) wifey but she responded in short phrases, 
“O kumain ka na (did you eat)?”

You attempted to say the word S-O-R-R-Y and she stated, it’s fine, you must be tired but the coldness in her voice seemed nothing but fine.

Let’s work on this case example, using the RULER method right behind the SOME LOVE NOTES section.

 

Some Love Notes


At times, depending on the intensity of the Tampo and duration it took the other person to discover it, the wooeing stage can be met with an initial resistance. 
The delayed discovery builds more on the hurt feelings, causing the tampo person to test the initial wooing stage.

Do you really see me? Do you really understand what hurt me? Are questions the Tampo person wants to answer before putting her guard down. When this happens, it is imperative that the person seeking amends, persists and insists. The persistence is read as sincerity and would soon be rewarded with the return of this warm, deep connection.

So, if you have a tampo spouse & you discovered way too late that her feelings were hurt, let’s sort this out using the RULER method.